What reaction comes out first around that person?
Facing similar words or situations, have you shrunk back or apologized before you even had time to think?
Without passing judgment on their character, look one by one at the scenes where you hid your true feelings or accommodated one-sidedly in this relationship.
- The reaction that came firstSee in which words and situations you shrank back or bent against your own wishes.
- The words and behavior actually exchangedSeparate your reaction from what they said and did.
'The Attraction Equation' doesn't mean fate or inborn personality. However you reacted, the responsibility for their words and behavior never becomes yours. This result alone doesn't settle why you were drawn to someone or define a repeating relationship type. It only organizes the reactions that came first in the one relationship you have in mind.
See the references
The question themes draw on schema theory, opens in a new window, the International Society of Schema Therapy's explanation, opens in a new window, research linking schemas and romantic relationship satisfaction, opens in a new window. The last study looked at adult couples in relationships of 6 months or longer. It has not validated parent, sibling, workplace, or friend relationships.
The 8 reactions, the 24 questions per relationship, and the result display were built by Re:Alive. The cited materials have not validated them, and the results don't replace a diagnosis.
Whose company should we look at your reactions in?
If the relationship is ongoing, think of the last 3 months; if it has ended, its last 3 months. Choose the scenes that were hard to refuse or stop — not kindness you freely chose.
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The reactions you chose with this relationship in mind
This organizes the answers you chose for the one relationship in mind. The reactions may be old, or unique to this relationship. Nothing here judges their character or inner motives. Questions answered 'Withheld' are excluded from the summary and tool suggestions.
- Often / Almost always
- 0
- Sometimes
- 0
- Rarely / Never
- 0
- Withheld
- 0
Something to try today
Scenes marked 'Often / Almost always' (up to 3)
See answers by the 8 reactions
Your reaction, and what was actually said and done
Questions to check what actually happened
Your reaction alone can't settle what they did. Check only the words and behavior actually exchanged in the scene you recalled.