Reading everyone else's moods, did your own feelings and needs get pushed aside?
Checking their expression first, have you postponed things you wanted to say or choose? Look back at the scenes of the last 4 weeks.
'Lost self' doesn't mean you've vanished. It means revisiting the feelings and choices you deferred while accommodating others.
Every map needs a starting point. Think of the one relationship weighing on you most, and answer from the last 4 weeks.
About 5 min · 20 questions
Feelings and boundaries
Look at the moments discomfort rose but refusing was hard.
Body and tastes
Look at your body's signals and the things you love.
Your choices
Look at the scenes where others' reactions postponed your choices.
See the references
self-determination theory's account of autonomy, competence, and relatedness, opens in a new window, research on coercive control and risk in intimate partner violence, opens in a new window, and — in the same context — a concept analysis of self-esteem, opens in a new window. The two papers concern women who experienced intimate partner violence. They have not validated this tool's 20 questions or result format, which cover a wider range of relationships.
Your answers are never saved or sent to a server. Refreshing clears them.